Lifestyle13

Would you buy a Kermit, Goofy or Tigger Pez Dispenser that are about 4 ½” high and sell for $165 each?Each jeweled Pez Dispensers is hand-made covered with genuine Austrian Swarovski crystals.  They can be purchased at FAO Schwarz. 

Monday March 31, 2008 at 730pm at the Pepsi Center……………………

Tickets on sale now for…………………

Bon Jovi Concert!!!!!!!!!

TripAdvisor has just done a study on International Airports and what travelers think of them.  Here are the top 10 least favorite airports.

1. London Heathrow and Chicago O’ Hare (tied for first)

2. New York JFK

3. Atlanta International

4. Los Angeles

5. Miami

6. New York La Guardia

7. Paris Charles de Gaulle

8. Dallas Ft Worth

9. Newark

10. London Gatwick

-  The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

- I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

- The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

- The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

- I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

- The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.

- Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

- How can there be self-help “groups”?

- Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

- Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

- Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

- Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

- What was the best thing before sliced bread?

- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

- Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye

If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up

All the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down

If Love were Oil, I’d be a Quart Low

Her Teeth were Stained, but her Heart was Pure

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

If Whiskey Were A Woman I’d Be Married For Sure

I Can’t Love Your Body if Your Heart’s Not In It

It was only a matter of time before the Feds figured out how to keep track of everyone.  Satellites can now pick up your cell phone signal and see exactly where you are.  Click on the following link and put in your cell phone number and it will zero in on your location.   http://www.satellite-gps-locator.com/

“Half the fat and calories of regular water! Contains artificial water flavoring.”

Artery - The study of learning how to paint real good.

Bacteria - Back door to the cafeteria.

Barium - What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome.

Dilate - To live long.

Fester - Quicker than someone else.

Fibula - A small lie.

Impotent - Distinguished, well known.

Coma - A punctuation mark.

- I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!

- Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?

- I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.

- You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot.

- Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!

- Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!

- Let’s make like fabric softner and snuggle.

- It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.

So you have an upset stomach and you take Pepto Bismol tablets.  You think everything should be better right?  Well for the most part it should help but you might develop a black tongue. 

An ingredient in the pill reacts with sulfur and creates a black substance.  If you have eaten food with sulfur in it before you take the medication you could get a black tongue.  Thankfully  it should only last a day. 

A call was made to police by a local highway motel owner, over a guest’s refusal to pay his bills for using the services provided by the motel. When the officer arrived at the motel the owner explained to the officer how the guest was refusing to pay the money to the prostitute hired by the owner on the request of the guest.  In return the officer arrested the owner for caring on prostitution without a permit.